Keep It Down
by Editor-Bug
Summary: Kyle's trying to study, and then Cartman shows up. Kyman, but not really. ONE-SHOT! Read & review if you like!


(A/N: Here's another lovely idea thing by me...*twirls into oblivion*)

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"And we'll never be ROYALS, royals; It don't run in our blood..." Cartman sang quietly to himself as he stepped up to the Broflovski home. "That kind of lux just ain't for us~," He soon got to the door and opened it.

Kyle was sitting at a table near the staircase writing something. When he heard Cartman enter, he instantly tensed up, but didn't say anything.

"Hey, Kahl," Cartman greeted, laying himself onto the couch.

Kyle didn't look up from his papers. "What do you want, Cartman?"

"What, I'm not allowed to pay my favorite jew a visit? That hurts, Kahl."

Kyle gave him a "really?" face, but then got back to his work.

"Whatever. I'm busy studying for tomorrow's math test right now, so as long as you keep it down, I really don't care what you do."

"Sweet."

Cartman got up and hurried into the kitchen. He knew Kyle would be too engrossed in his studies to notice how much he ate.

"Let's see hyah...kosher pickles, deli meat, fish, more fish, whatever the fuck that thing is...KAHHHL!"

"WHAT?" came Kyle's reply.

"All you have is kosher shit! Where are the Cheesy Poofs?!"

"I don't eat that crap!" Kyle called back.

"Oh, you Jewish asshole..."

Cartman was about to leave when something caught his eye. The cabinet under the sink had the corner of something wedged in the way. He opened it and found a box. Messily written on it was "IKE'S SECRET STASH".

"Hello..." murmured Cartman. He opened it up and found just what he wanted; snacks galore! All the stuff Kyle's parents would never let he and Ike eat. Cartman took about half of the box's contents, enough to satisfy him for at least half an hour, and returned to the living room singing again.

"We crave a different kind of buzz, let me be your ruler~," He plopped down on the couch and started eating.

Kyle suddenly turned on him."If you make a mess on the couch, you're gonna have to clean it up. You know that, right?"

"Technically _no,_ Kahl," Cartman replied."This is your couch, so you're the one who has to clean it."

"Technically _yes,_ because YOU'RE the one who made the mess, and if you don't clean it up, I'm gonna tie your tongue to your balls and kick your ass sideways up the street!"

"Ooh, threatenin'. I like it."

"Why are you really here, fatass?"

"I already told you, jew, I'm paying you a visit."

 _"And?"_

"And nothing! Nobody else wanted to hang out with me, okay?"

"And what makes you think I would? I hate you more than anyone else."

Cartman shrugged."IDK, Kahl. Oh, Terrance & Phillip is on, isn't it?"

When he turned on the TV, Kyle became anxious all of a sudden.

"Ah! Turn that off!" he exclaimed, looking around like a bird. "My mom is taking a nap upstairs and she doesn't let me watch TV while I'm studying!"

"Then stop studying."

"TURN IT OFF!"

"OKAY!" Cartman finally did so. "CHRIST!"

Kyle stared at the staircase for a bit, worried that his mother had woken up, but nothing happened. He resumed studying.

Soon, Cartman asked, "Why do you study all the time, Kahl?"

"So I can get good grades, and end up smart, unlike you."

"But why do you care?"

"Because it's important! Getting good grades so you can go to a good college and graduate is fucking important! Now quit bugging me!"

"You don't really think that. You don't care. That's just what your mom tells you to think. Besides, you hate school."

"Me hating school doesn't make it any less important."

"See, you sound just like your mom!"

Kyle made a disgusted face. He turned back to his paper. "If you just came here to insult my mom, there's the door."

As expected, Cartman was hard pressed to keep his mouth shut. Every second not spent pestering Kyle was a second wasted in his mind.

"Kahl," he would begin. "Why are you such a jew?"

"Kahl, why do wear that stupid hat?"

"Kahl, am I annoying you?"

"Kahl, why are you so gay for Stan?"

"Kahhhl? Am I annoying you yet, Kahl?"

Finally, Kyle responded. "Cartman. I swear to God, if you don't shut up..."

He was interrupted by his mother's loud yawn from upstairs. There was about a minute of tense silence before he continued.

"Then I'm going to kick you out."

"Hm," Cartman put a finger to his chin. "I wonder what your mom has to say about that."

Kyle squinted in hatred. "Fine, wake her up, I don't care! She'll just kick you out too, for disrupting my studies."

"Not if I tell her you were watching TV."

"I wasn't! YOU were, you fat fuck!"

The next second, Cartman clicked the TV back on and was flipping through the channels. "You like MTV, right? OH, MRS. BROFLOVSKI!"

Kyle acted upon instinct and tackled Cartman to the floor, struggling to snatch the TV remote from his chubby hands.

Cartman kicked at him. "Get off of me, you son of a bitch!"

"Don't call my mom a bitch!" Kyle yelled back, catching his opponent's indirect insult. "Now gimme that remote!"

He managed to force Cartman onto his back, and drive his elbow right into that huge gut. Suddenly, something on the TV caught the fatter boy's attention.

"*gasp* Dude, it's 'Royals'! Stan's dad is on TV!" Somehow, Cartman shoved Kyle onto his stomach, and sat idly upon his back to watch the music video.

"Ge-e-e-et OOOOFF!" Kyle tried to pull himself up with his arms, but couldn't under all the weight. "GETOFFGETOFFGETOFF!"

"Stay tuned for the chorus!"

"Cartman, I swear I will kill you with all my hopes and regrets if you don't get your FAT, sweaty ass off of me RIGHT NOW!"

Surprisingly, Cartman stood up.

"That's what I thought," Kyle dusted himself off, then pointed at the door. "Now, get the- -"

He was cut off when Cartman grabbed his hand and started flinging him around.

"Come on, Kyle, shake that ass!"

"I'm gONNA get wHIPLASH if you don't STOP!" Kyle said dizzily.

Cartman stopped on a dime. "Okay, chill out, Kahl, the song's over, you drama queen."

Kyle took the time to catch his breath, then pointed at the door. "Get the hell out of here."

Cartman looked like he was about to object, but stopped he heard a noise from upstairs. "Okay." And he was gone.

Finally alone, Kyle plopped down on the floor, turned off the TV and laughed his ass off. That was the most fun he'd had all day.

"Kyle, what's so funny?" his mother asked, coming down the stairs. "What was all the noise?"

"Uh, nothing, Mom," he replied. "Cartman just came over and we played together. You know, the usual."

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(A/N: I can see people either finding this story confusing, funny or a complete waste of time. Really, none of those interpretations would be wrong...I sorta just wrote this to express what Kyle and Cartman's relationship is to me, like "Hammock", but with more dialogue. [Also, if you like Kyman, please check out that story on my profile] I can't believe I actually started writing this before I knew Randy was Lorde...

Please, review, fave, follow, point out any mistakes I made and I shall see you next time. Au revoir!)


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